teamziptie.com

First and foremost, congratulations to Joseph “Mustang Boy” Oxenham.  Despite his absence from the end of the season, he is still your 2012 Team Zip-Tie Cup Winner.  I still have to decorate the trophy and get it to him, so stand by for those photos.  Second place was a three-way tie, and many other upsets took place.

This was a crazy year, both in Cumberland and elsewhere.  We weren’t able to make every race we wanted, but we still had a blast.  Hopefully next year some of our “fringe” members can make their way out.

To sum it all up…

Final Team Standings (after drops)
1. Joe (81 points)
2. Doug (71 points)
2. Rich (71 points)
2. Mike (71 points)
3. Paul (60 points)
4. Meg (58 points)
5. Kate (42 points)
6. Bill (27 points)
7. Andy (25 points)

Another weekend goes by in Cumberland, but Kate and I again didn’t make it.  I decided to stay home, and it was worth it, as I’m now the 2012 WDCR D-Stock Champion.  While the cat was away, the mouse played.

I can’t say much about what happened, but I do know that Joe owes Mike a dollar or two (but we still love you, Joe).  This weekend was “undersubscribed,” but now that the DC season is over, I expect the numbers to get better.

Wish me, Kate, Andy, and Mike luck as we head out in two weeks for the SCCA Nationals in Lincoln, NE.

Saturday (50 Entrants)
12 – Mike (3rd in PAX)
11 + 2 – Joe (28th in PAX – Cone Award Winner with 3 cones)
10 – Rich (21st in PAX)
9  – Meg (42nd in PAX)

Sunday (44 Entrants)
12 – Joe (19th in PAX)
11 + 2 – Doug (22nd in PAX – Cone Award Winner with 2 cones)
10 – Rich (25th in PAX)
9 – Bill (33rd in PAX)

Current Team Standings

Drops are starting to take effect.  Eight days in, but we are only counting the seven best.  From here on out, it’s about erasing low scores.

1. Joe (81 points)
2. Rich (67 points)
3. Mike (59 points)
3. Doug (59 points)
4. Meg (55 points)
5. Paul (36 points)
6. Kate (19 points)
6. Bill (19 points)
7. Andy (12 points)
8. Rob (0 points)
8. Patrick (0 points)
8. Thomas (0 points)

This one will be short and sweet, since Kate and I were both away.  If you are looking for a bit of a story, you can read the Cumberland recap of events.  Of note – this weekend marked the first 2012 Cumberland events for Andy and Bill.  Time to get Rob, Thomas, and Patrick out there now.

More shuffling in the results, but this was the last weekend before the drops start.  In other words, don’t get too comfortable Joe.  I don’t think I’m missing any more events.

Saturday (69 Entrants)
12 – Mike (9th in PAX)
11 + 1 – Joe (17th in PAX – Cone Award Co-Winner with 2 cones)
10 – Doug (21st in PAX)
9  + 1– Rich (28th in PAX - Cone Award Co-Winner with 2 cones)
8 – Meg (51st in PAX)

Sunday (66 Entrants)
12 – Andy (4th in PAX)
11 – Joe (16th in PAX)
10 – Doug (25th in PAX)
9 – Rich (35th in PAX)
8 + 2 – Bill (45th in PAX - Cone Award Winner with 2 cones)
7 – Meg (47th in PAX)

Current Team Standings

1. Joe (66 points)
2. Mike (47 points)
2. Rich (47 points)
3. Meg (46 points)
3. Doug (36 points)
4. Paul (36 points)
5. Kate (19 points)
6. Andy (12 points)
7. Bill (10 points)
8. Rob (0 points)
8. Patrick (0 points)
8. Thomas (0 points)

First off, let me apologize for being so late with the report. The Universe (by which I mean work, family, etcetera etcetera) has been conspiring to keep me away from my writing duties. Well that and I figured if I waited long enough, everyone’s memories would be hazy enough that I could write whatever I wanted and no one would be able to argue with it. So here goes:  last weekend, I was the best and the fastest and was declared best autocrosser ever by a unanimous vote. The end. Don’t believe me? Too bad.

Wait, what’s that? There are records and other write-ups of the event all over the Internet? Crap. Well, never mind then, here’s what really happened…

Once a year, the organizers at Cumberland Airport Autocross like to give us a chance to stretch our collective legs, and go just a little faster than is the norm in the sport. Last weekend was that event, the tenth annual Historics weekend at CBE, featuring Saturday’s (in)famous Long Course. Cumberland regulars and newbies alike headed to the mountains for a weekend of warm sun and fast cars.

Paul and I made our way out west Friday afternoon, taking advantage of my flexible work-from-home Fridays summer schedule to beat the traffic, and were checked in at the Slumberland and seated with a beer (or a Scotchy Scotch Scotch, in Paul’s case) well ahead of our usual schedule. Having had to miss the Ice Breaker, this was my first trip back to the area since last October, and I was anxious to make up for lost time—and apparently, I wasn’t the only one. Our group—made up of the usual mix of Cobra drivers and Team-Zip Tie members, as well as a few special guest stars—quickly took over the outside patio as we consumed drinks, caught up, and played pranks on each other. There was seat stealing, watering-down of drinks, and the general mocking of friends. It felt damn good to be back. We were even treated to the appearance of everyone’s favorite waitress, Nicki, who must be a glutton for punishment, because she deigned to sit down and join us for a few drinks after her shift ended. The reveling finally began to die down, and I was in bed slightly after midnight—a very late night when you have to be up before the sun to race.

The next morning, the effects of that late night were palpable. We had a subdued breakfast at McDonald’s (Egg McMuffins with a side of Aleve) and made our way to the airport. Due to the event’s reputation and the lengthier course, registration was limited to 78 participants, and the number of runs was cut in half to a measly three. The course stretched for nearly a full mile, heading past the usual turnaround point of the Trooper Five Hanger to find common ground with the courses of the SCCA club racing championship series that ran at the airport between 1953 and 1970. Saturday’s course was not only long, but was vengeful and punishing as well, littered with booby-traps of sharp corners and offset cones designed to make the unobservant driver pay with cone calls and off course runs. In fact, a total of five drivers were unable to get a single on-course run and finished the day with a DNF.

Meg and I were the first members of Team-Zip Tie to get a shot at the course. Maybe I’d been away from Cumberland too long, but I needed some time to shake the cobwebs out, and three runs proved too few for me to get my act together. I finished the day fourth in D Stock with a wretched 84.276, well off the pace Paul would set for the class in the third heat. Meg had a much better day, finishing with a best time of 83.291 in her Miata, winning her class by nearly two full seconds.

Second heat action saw Rich and Joe take to the tarmac. Rich piloted his Corvette to a second-place finish in B Stock with a time of 80.687, and a total of two cones. For Historics Weekend, Joe struck a bargain with Jake Moran—he could co-drive the infamous Subie Suxass, but he had to provide the tires. A fair deal, and it gave Joe the opportunity to put a little bit of his namesake Mustang to good use, strapping his once and future race car’s wheels and tires onto the Sux. Joe finished the day with a 72.745, good for seventh out of ten cars in XP. He fell short of his co-driver Jake, who was on a tear, and finished second in the class and fourth overall in raw time.

Third heat, that of all the loud Cobras, featured Paul in the Przywhiney family WRX, and Mike Moran in one of the aforementioned loud Cobras. Mike took his red (Burgundy? Maroon?) Cobra out and ran a 69.882, though not without a couple of cones, splitting the cone award for the day with Rich. His time was good for third in XP, and eighth in raw time.  Paul took to the course and promptly stomped all over my time (though given my performance in the first heat, I predicted as much) and finished with a class-winning time of 72.907. At the end of the third heat, Paul was at the top of the heap in PAX, which you may have heard (from Paul right at that moment) that PAX is the most important metric. He was singing a decidedly different tune at the end of the day however, when Randy Pearson and his Z06 Corvette edged him out for the top spot. But who cares about PAX anyway, right?

Doug rounded out the Zip Tie roster in the fourth heat, bringing the Art Car Audi out for a spin (metaphorically speaking). Doug took his class handily with a 77.473. Racing concluded mid-afternoon, and rather than return to our hotels to shower and clean up like civilized people, we sought shade and company in the paddock, where we all shared stories of the day, and generally continued our antics of the night before—though in a more reserved (i.e., hungover and dehydrated) fashion. We had a few surprise guests—team member Andy Thomas was unable to race due to work, but he popped in to say hi. In addition, my best friend Gill came out for her second autocross, this time with her fiancé Adam (Kramer) in tow. Wade must have done something right when Gill rode along with him at Fed Ex a few weeks ago, because I think she’s got the bug, and brought Kramer to see an autocross in the hopes of infecting him too. They’re getting married next month, but once they’re back from the honeymoon, I think we might be seeing a couple of new recruits.

While some went to the dinner in downtown Cumberland, others of us chose to unwind with some Mexican food and pitchers of margaritas at El Canello in Frostburg. Naturally, being a restaurant with hot sauce readily available, the braver/dumber among us consumed some, because at heart, we’re just a bunch of twelve year olds. Afterwards, we returned to Henny’s for the remainder of a very subdued evening. The highlight of the evening was Paul’s proposal to Nicki with her own butterfly ring (she said yes).

The next morning, we found a course that was significantly shorter than the day before, though what remained was a close approximation of what we’d already seen. The familiarity of the course coupled with six runs for each driver promised a far more forgiving day. It certainly was for me. Up in the first heat, my driving returned to something close to normal for me, as I shaved off time and crushed a total of four cones (my first cone award of the year, thank you very much). I ended with a 51.492, and while—SPOILER ALERT—it wasn’t enough to beat Paul, I did finish 26^th in PAX (or someone named Kate Mewhenny did anyway) and overall, I felt good about my performance. My heat one buddy Meg found herself in a class by herself, and ran a 56.186 in an uncontested C Stock.

Joe once again got behind the wheel of the Sux in the second heat, and attempted to make some noise in XP. Unfortunately for him, that’s a noisy class, and his 46.798 was only good for seventh place. Rich was third in B Stock with a 50.699, just a tenth of a second away from bumping off second-place Aaron Shumaker and his 2011 Evo. Paul’s 48.324 gave him a decisive D Stock victory, and he ended the day fourth in PAX, despite not taking his sixth and final pass due to the discovery of a corded tire. The third heat also saw some exciting lead changes in the battle for FTD. After a few passes, Wade Chamberlain was able to take the top spot away from Matt Felten, but his (literal) victory dance was ended before he’d even parked his Cobra in grid, as Larry Casey grabbed FTD for himself on the very next run. Leads were traded and other fast drivers knocked on the door, but it was Greg Honeycutt and his Reynard who walked away with the prize in the end. Doug and the rest of the fourth heat closed out the weekend’s racing festivities, though no one could touch the top time set in the third heat. Doug’s 50.676 gave him the D Street Prepared class victory, and 36^th place in PAX.

Then there was nothing left to do but change tires, load up and head home. Though in our case, heading home included a detour to Frederick to drop off our corded tire off with teammate/team car doctor Andy. Next up on the Cumberland schedule is Speedweek in July. I heard a rumor that Larry Casey and our very own Mike Moran will be reprising their roles as course designers for the event, so it should be a good one. Someone else will have to take over reporting duties though—Paul and I will both be MIA from this one. So good luck in July everyone, and see you in August!

Saturday (78 Entrants)
12 – Paul (2nd in PAX)
11 + 1 – Mike (14th in PAX – Cone Award Co-Winner with 2 cones)
10 + Joe (30th in PAX)
9 – Doug (34th in PAX)
8 + 1 – Rich (40th in PAX – Cone Award Co-Winner with 2 cones)
7 – Kate (52nd in PAX)
6 – Meg (53rd in PAX)

Sunday (71 Entrants)
12 – Paul (4th in PAX)
11 – Joe (23rd in PAX)
10 + 1 – Kate (26th in PAX – Cone Award Winner with 4 cones)
9 – Rich (31st in PAX)
8 – Doug (36th in PAX)
7 – Meg (62nd in PAX)

No Cone Award Winner for Sunday.

Current Team Standings
1. Joe (43 points)
2. Paul (36 points)
3. Mike (35 points)
4. Meg (31 points)
5. Rich (28 points)
6. Doug (26 points)
7. Kate (19 points)
8. Rob (0 points)
9. Andy (0 points)
10. Bill (0 points)
11. Patrick (0 points)
12. Thomas (0 points)

I’m not going to have too much of a story here – partly because I wasn’t around the entire weekend, and partly because several TZT members were involved in creating the writeup for the Cumberland page, which does a reasonable job of summing up the weekend.  But, I will get on to the results for the 2012 Cup.  This year is already shaping up to be quite interesting.  There were several no-shows for the weekend, so the field was light, but that may change soon (Thomas?).

Saturday (72 Entrants)
12 – Paul (9th in PAX)
11 – Joe (11th in PAX)
10 + 1 – Mike (14th in PAX – Cone Award Co-Winner with 1 cone)
9 – Doug (30th in PAX)
8 + 1 – Meg (60th in PAX – Cone Award Co-Winner with 1 cone)

Sunday (55 Entrants)
12 – Mike (4th in PAX)
11 – Joe (9th in PAX)
10 – Rich (40th in PAX)
9 – Meg (43rd in PAX)

No Cone Award Winner for Sunday.

Current Team Standings
1. Mike (23 points)
2. Joe (22 points)
3. Meg (18 points)
4. Paul (12 points)
5. Rich (10 points)
6. Doug (9 points)
7. Rob (0 points)
8. Kate (0 points)
9. Andy (0 points)
10. Bill (0 points)
11. Patrick (0 points)
12. Thomas (0 points)

I’m sorry to those who are patiently waiting for Kate’s final writeup. I will do my best to coax a story out of her, but for those that are interested in the final totals (mainly me), here they are.

Saturday (71 Entrants)
12 – Paul (2nd in PAX)
11 – Mike (12th in PAX)
10 + 2 – Rob (15th in PAX – Cone Award winner with 9 cones)
9 – Joe (16th in PAX)
8 – Doug (35th in PAX)
7 – Kate (40th in PAX)
6  – Bill (43rd in PAX)
5 – Meg (53rd in PAX)
4 – Rich (54th in PAX)

Sunday (76 Entrants) – Just for fun!
Mike (10th in PAX)
Kate (12th in PAX)
Joe (21st in PAX)
Rob (24th in PAX)
Doug (27th in PAX)
Rich (30th in PAX)
Andy (36th in PAX)
Paul (44th in PAX)
Bill (46th in PAX)
Meg (53rd in PAX)

Final Team Standings (after drops)
1. Paul (84 points)
2. Mike (79 points)
3. Rob (76 points)
4. Joe (68 points)
5. Kate (62 points)
6. Doug (56 points)
7. Rich (47 points)
8. Meg (39 points)
9. Andy (33 points)
10. Bill (24 points)
11. Patrick (12 points)
12. Thomas (0 points)

Picture stolen from Ben, because my camera's busted.

First off, I’m a little late getting the recap out this time, so sorry about that. I’ve been adjusting to the new job and the new schedule that comes with it, and as a result, the write-up fell by the wayside. Now, a week later, it’s time to look back and see if I can remember anything through the fog of time and alcohol. Remind me to get this done faster next time, trying to remember everything a week later is a real pain in the butt.

The weekend’s big story was of course, me beating Paul on Sunday. I’m sure you want to hear every gory detail of my heroic triumph, but be patient, we’ll get to it. First we’ve got to slog through all the boring details of Saturday. And then there was that little PAX shootout thing, but no one cares about PAX anyway, am I right?

Friday afternoon, I was finishing up my first full week at my new job in Silver Spring, and rather than head all the way home to ride with Paul, we decided to drive separately and reconvene up in LaVale. And since driving alone is boring, I invited my sister Elizabeth to come along for the weekend. Because you guys just haven’t had enough chances to be creepy perverts this year.

We were some of the last to arrive at Henny’s, where several of the usual crowd had already been drinking—some for several hours. Between many beers, a few rounds of shots, and pitchers of Harpoon being passed around, the night got a little fuzzy. The group grew raucous, with popcorn (and sour cream) being tossed at one another, and Paul and Rob having their own version of Fight Club. We left before we could wear out our welcome, hopefully tipping well enough to make up for the mess we left for Larissa to clean up.

Saturday started off with a chill, and Paul and I left Elizabeth to enjoy the comforts of the Slumberland and sleep in a little, while the rest of us suckers made our way, cold and hungover, to the airport. In addition to the usual four heats, we would be making a second attempt at the PAX shootout, which was called off at the Sizzler due to inclement weather and technical difficulties. The forty original qualifiers, in addition to CBE loyalist Ron Dotts and the shameless interloper Mike Lane, would use their six runs to try to make the shootout’s top sixteen, which would be run NCAA tournament bracket-style.

As we near the end of a long season, more and more cars have begun to break down, and car swapping becomes a necessity, rather than a leisure activity. With the Suxass down for the count and the Cobra needing a new radiator, all three Morans were in need of loaner cars, and Rob was once again seeking a replacement for the motorless RX8. Mustang Boy was kind enough to allow Mike to be a Mustang Boy, too. Doug opened up the art-car Audi to Jake, and Ben passed his Coupe around, giving Jen and Rob co-drives.

The course was typical Cumberland fare, but with an extra tight opening half. In the WRX, second gear wouldn’t be necessary until after the first turnaround at the terminal end. Meg and I were up in the first heat. Heading out on course on cold tires proved to be an exercise in ice skating. Meg finished with a 51.247, good for 50^th in PAX. I had a messy morning, taking out three cones (thank goodness for Rob—but more on that later) en route to my best time of a 48.818. There is something to be said for running in the first group though. Thanks to Jim Harris spinning out on his first run, I managed to hold set and hold onto Fastest Time of the Day into the second passes of the heat. It was nice while it lasted.

In the second heat, Joseph laid down a 45.832 in his Mustang, and in the process snagged himself a spot in the shootout. Paul was up in the third, and using the tires I heated for him, he put down a 44.783, securing the top spot in PAX and the top seed in the shootout (you’re welcome). The fourth heat featured the majority of Team Zip-Tie members. Rich squeaked by my time with a 48.774, good enough for 5^th in BSP. Doug ran a 47.884, which couldn’t quite beat Jake’s time in the Audi. Mike showed Joe why it’s a terrible idea to loan out your car, beating Mustang Boy with a 45.357, also landing himself a spot in the shootout. And then there was Rob. Jen and Ben had already taken their turns in the Coupe, running a 46.090 and 45.686, respectively. As he grew more used to the car and began to drive in a more Rob-like fashion, Rob also had a very Rob-like spin, rotating the Coupe a full one and a half turns before coming to a stop down at the Trooper Five end of the course. He finished third in the Coupe with a 46.467, and an impressive six cones, handily taking the cone award for the day.

When the day was over, three members of Team Zip-Tie made the cut for the shootout—Paul in the WRX, and Mike and Joe both in the Mustang. Unfortunately, Joe fell to Mike Lane, but Mike Moran used the Mustang to play spoiler, taking down higher seeds Wade and Fred, before losing out to Paul in a Team Zip-Tie semi-final. The final featured Paul versus Mike Lane in his BSP 350Z. Paul ran first, and laid down his fastest time of the day. Perhaps Mike Lane felt the pressure, or maybe he was trying to drive through the red mist, but he coned on the back half of the course, and rather than get a time, aborted the run and took the loss. Paul survived all challengers to be named King of the Hill, and now we have a lovely Lucite trophy sitting on our bookcase, and our cost for autocrossing at CBE next year is cut in half. For his part, Mike Lane earned the honor of taking home the Connecting Rod of Shame.

After relieving our coolers of their beers in the paddocks, we departed from the airport. Rather than attend the picnic, Paul, Elizabeth, and I, along with Mike and Jen, Joe, Larry and Ben, went out on the town, having dinner at D’Atris in LaVale. Then we retreated to our motel rooms to clean off the grime of the day before heading back to Henny’s. Saturday evening was, as usual, a much more subdued affair. We bought Larissa a shot to apologize for creating such a mess the night before, and Andy came straight from a wedding, looking downright dapper in his formal wear. Paul and Ben, not to be outdone by a tuxedo, decided to introduce some class to the evening and ordered martinis from bartender Mike—who makes a damn good dirty martini, by the way.

Team Zip-Tie: We clean up nicely.

Sunday morning saw the field decrease further to 53 cars, so we ran an abbreviated day with combined heats. The course was for the most part similar to Saturday’s version, with a more open kink through the middle of the course. Today our car-hoppers found themselves in new rides. Rob joined Andy in the Hyundai Stinkbug, and Paul took Gary Hughes up on an alcohol-induced offer to co-drive his Corvette. With a spot open in our car, Mike Moran co-drove the WRX.

Paul came down hard from the high of winning the PAX shootout on Saturday. He never quite got used to Gary’s Vette, and finished the day with a 54.769. Running in the same heat, but in a car I’m far more familiar with, I ran a 54.686. While this is the first time I’ve ever bested Paul’s time, I will admit it feels a little cheap. The real victory will come when (ok, if) I beat Paul when we’re both driving the same car. It was a real banner day for me, as I not only topped Paul in time, but took the cone award back from Rob, hitting a Zip-Tie high three on the day. Meg’s 58.887 wasn’t enough to beat the Banes in their CS Miata, and Rich was 6^th in BSP with a 54 flat. After kicking out his co-driver, Joe was able to top ESP with a 52.122. But Joe’s gain was my loss, as Mike Moran crushed my time with a 50.417, handily taking the DS class win. In the Stinkbug’s inaugural Cumberland race, Andy was able to hold off his co-driver, running a 52.479 to Rob’s 52.994.

The condensed format allowed us to change tires and get on the road quickly. Elizabeth and I headed out in the Fit, passing brothers Herb and Sandy Smith and their trailers along the way. We honked and waved, but I don’t think they had a clue who those strange girls in the Honda were. Thanks to light traffic and heavy speeding, I made good time, even with the detour in Silver Spring to drop Elizabeth off before making my way home.

We’re getting down to the wire now, folks. All that’s left is the Pumpkin Carve before the long, cold winter begins. Many questions still remain though. Who will take home the coveted Team Zip-Tie Cup? What addition will we see added to the trophy for this year’s winner? Will I three-peat the Cone Award, or will Rob take home the not-so-coveted “Slow Children” road cone? Stay tuned, all will be revealed in October!

Saturday (77 Entrants)
12 – Paul (1st in PAX)
11 – Mike (16th in PAX)
10 – Joe (18th in PAX)
9 – Kate (30th in PAX)
8 – Doug (34th in PAX)
7 – Rich (41st in PAX)
6 + 2 – Rob (43rd in PAX – Cone Award Winner with 6 cones)
5 – Meg (50th in PAX)

Sunday (53 Entrants)
12 – Mike (1st in PAX)
11 – Joe (15th in PAX)
10 + 2 – Kate (20th in PAX – Cone Award Co-winner with 3 cones)
9 – Andy (23rd in PAX)
8 – Rich (29th in PAX)
7 – Rob (30th in PAX)
6 – Paul (36th in PAX)
5 – Meg (44th in PAX)

Current Team Standings
1. Mike (107 points)
2. Paul (101 points)
3. Rob (97 points)
4. Joe (93 points)
5. Kate (75 points)
6. Doug (68 points)
7. Meg (52 points)
8. Rich (47 points)
9. Andy (33 points)
10. Bill (18 points)
11. Patrick (12 points)
12. Thomas (0 points)

With only one day left to score points, the totals are close, but don’t forget, we still have the four lowest scores dropped.

The Friday of the Summer Sizzler weekend is traditionally the date of some sort of special event. In the beginning, there was Porsche vs. Corvette Clubs. Then the Cobra Club rose to prominence at Cumberland, and they faced off against the Cumberland “All Stars”—a host of the fastest regulars and a few ringers from the DC or Pittsburgh regions. This year, we tried something new. Rather than two teams going head to head for bragging rights, it would be every driver for himself. As a way to reward its most loyal customers, CBE placed a minimum event limit on qualification, and to include a wider array of regulars (and to cruelly force those in the timing trailer into doing math, I suspect) times were based on PAX, rather than raw time.

These parameters were kind to Team Zip Tie. We’re not exactly known for our blazing speed most of the time (except for Mike Moran, but we’re working on dragging him down to our level) but some of us do alright when our handicaps (only the driving kind, sadly) are taking into account. Those of us invited to this brave new shootout were Paul, Mike, Joe, Rob, Doug, Rich, and me. After three years of working the course for this event (and one traumatizing incident of avian murder) I was psyched to get to take part myself, and make other suckers run after my cones for a change. But sadly, it was not meant to be. Maid of Honor duty called, so instead of autocross glory (or, three qualifying runs and then working the course with the other suckers, more likely) I spent Friday afternoon at a bridal shop with my best friend, offering my deep insights into her choices in wedding dresses.

On the plus side, it sounds like that may not have made much of a difference, and I’ll get my chance after all. Between nasty weather and timing troubles, CBE had to suspend the event, and after some deliberation, came up with a new solution to determine Cumberland PAX supremacy. The organizers will take the PAX scores of the 40 qualifying drivers on Saturday of the Harvest Moon, and the top 16 will compete in the traditional NCAA bracket-style run-off immediately following the fourth heat. Let the month of PAX-related trash talking begin!

While some of you were standing in the rain at the airport, I left the District around 4:30, and was delighted by the lack of traffic heading up I-270. That delight was crushed by the time I hit Frederick, however, and I spent the rest of the drive in rainy traffic. By the time I reached LaVale, the abbreviated run-off was over and the usual crowd of Cobra drivers and Team Zip Tie members were several drinks in—but at Gehauf’s, not our usual Henny’s. Also joining us were two members of Paul’s band 88MPH (who has a show August 31 at the Charm City Art Space in Baltimore. Tell your friends!) Rich Siomporas and Ryan Rodgriguez. We had dinner and drinks while waiting for space at Henny’s, and generally cleared the room. At long lasted we were granted entry behind the velvet rope, but our usual VIP table in the back had been commandeered. Instead, we were shuffled off to the second level of the bar, but at least we had Larissa and Nikki there to take care of us. There, shots and beers were drunk, hair was tortuously removed from Rob’s arm, a leg was licked, and a nice family got photo bombed. Did I mention that all these acts were committed by one member of Team Zip Tie? (I’ll give you a hint: rhymes with Shashmorski.) After a long evening, we headed back to the Slumberland, fingers crossed for a hangover-free morning.

That's how we do "summer fun" at Henny's.

Saturday started off clear, but with a slight chill in the air that reminded us all that summer is quickly drawing to a close. After some unintentional extra sleep, Paul and I ate a rushed breakfast at McDonald’s and headed to the airport in the Fit. Since Paul had already changed tires on the WRX the night before, that freed up some time for us, and I was able to spend some quality puppy time with Shelby, while Paul harassed Wade, who was reattaching the blower he’d removed the night before in an effort to be more class legal. Saturday’s course was traditional Cumberland fare—“fast and open”—and after the driver’s meeting, we got down to business.

After running in the first heat at the last event, I decided to make a change, and asked Dave Williams to allow me to switch my permanent number. While going first allows me to drive while still feeling fresh and not having to play catch up to Paul’s time, there are some downsides to the first heat that I’d overlooked. Like the cooler weather, especially as we begin moving into autumn autocrossing. Whoops. After a few squirrelly runs on cold tires and a few cones, I ended the day with my final and fastest run of 49.251. Which wasn’t bad for the first heat, unless you consider Brian Karwan’s 42.339 in his Civic. So I’m not going to. Moving on. Rich and Meg also ran in the first. Rich finished with a 49.164, good enough for fourth out of nine in B Stock. Meg ran a 53.336, and set the bar for the cone award early, with six total. Though Mike tried with five, no one could top her, and she earned the cone-busting bonus points for Saturday.

Pretty much as soon as the first heat ended, the sun came out, and I doused myself in sunblock before heading out to work the course. From my vantage point at corner seven, I was able to watch Rob and Joe make their passes. Mustang Boy was back in his now street legal Mustang, and wound up with an ESP-winning 46.262. Rob, still without his not-so-trusty RX8, and resisting our peer pressure to bring the Stratus out of retirement, borrowed Doug’s Audi, and posted 47.681, which would beat Doug’s best fourth heat pass of 48.481. The third heat saw Paul bringing the WRX out for its second tour of duty. He quickly bested my time on his way to a 45.959 and a sixth overall PAX finish. With the Suxass parked due to rod knock, Mike gratefully accepted Ben’s offer of a co-drive in his Daytona Coupe, and ran in the fourth heat. His 43.504 beat the car’s owner, and landed him an eighth overall in raw time.

After driving festivities concluded, we sought shelter from the sun under a canopy in paddock, and shared beers and banter before making our way to Doc’s for the picnic. Though I hate to eat and run, a shower was very much in order, and Paul and I ducked out to clean up at the Slumberland before returning to Henny’s. Clearly, management missed the memo, because our table was booked once again, but we made due pushing several bar tables together. We’re resourceful that way. Our usual crowd was soon joined by Andy, who made his way up from Frederick with the promise of a co-drive in the WRX. As is typical for a Saturday evening, we were more reserved after a day full of racing (and a full night of drinking before that). But we still made a strong showing, and were rewarded for our resilience. As we were beginning to wind down, a bridal party came into the bar, complete with a bride shouting “Where’s my husband?” It was worth hanging around.

After waking up in the Slumberland, we quickly tuned into the Weather Channel to see what the day held in store for us. The short answer: rain. And lots of it. Not surprisingly, our numbers were far fewer on Sunday, and after some deliberation, the organizers wisely opted for a condensed day of just two heats with four runs each. The course was again open, but with a ridiculously tight turn at the terminal end that looked like it would require a three-point turn to get through.

The sky hadn’t opened up yet, and we rushed to get our runs in before the rain came. Andy and I shared the WRX in the first heat, and I for awhile I thought I was doing well, keeping close to him. Then I realized it was because he didn’t have a clean pass until his fourth and final run, when his 48.475 more solidly beat my 50.681. In the second group, Paul would beat us both, edging Andy out with a 48.132. Also sharing a car in the first heat were Rob and Chris Fritz in Chris’s STI, which was also run by Jake Moran in the second heat. Rob made Team Zip Tie proud by beating out both of his co-drivers with a 46.502. Meg finished up with a 54.305, but with only one cone on the day, so no bonus points this time. Mike ran Ben’s Coupe again, but only for the first three of his runs, before stealing his wife’s keys and giving Jen’s Cobra a warmup lap. His fastest time was in the Coupe, with a raw of 44.648, but with one cone. Joe also made a mid-heat car switch. His Mustang was leaking fuel, and his ESP competitor John Norton was kind enough to loan Joe his Mustang to finish out the heat. His fastest pass was in his own car, a 48.755, good enough for a weekend sweep of his class. Doug ran in the second group, getting his best time of a 50.842 in before the drizzling began. By the end of the heat, the rain had started in earnest, and paddock cleared out in a hurry as everyone rushed to change tires, load up, and beat the weather home.

Paul and I stopped at Sheetz in Cumberland with Andy to gas up and grab some food before getting on the road at an unusually early hour. By the time we set out, we were pleasantly surprised to see the sun come out again. Shortly after getting on the highway, we found Larry, Jen, and Rob making a strange caravan, and we happily joined in, letting the Cobras lead us eastward.

Next up is the Harvest Moon at the end of the September. The corn will be gone, but we’ll settle this PAX supremacy thing once and for all—assuming anyone other than Team Zip Tie actually gives a damn about PAX, that is.

Saturday (70 Entrants)
12 – Paul (6th in PAX)
11 – Mike (12th in PAX)
10 – Joe (15th in PAX)
9 – Kate (24th in PAX)
8 – Rob (25th in PAX)
7 – Doug (31st in PAX)
6 – Rich (36th in PAX)
5 + 2 – Meg (50th in PAX – Cone Award Winner with 6 cones)

Sunday (50 Entrants)
12 – Paul (5th in PAX)
11 + 2 – Andy (7th in PAX – Cone Award Co-winner with 6 cones)
10 – Rob (10th in PAX)
9 – Joe (17th in PAX)
8 – Mike (19th in PAX)
7 – Kate (21st in PAX)
6 – Doug (31st in PAX)
5 – Meg (39th in PAX)

Current Team Standings
1. Mike (84 points)
2. Paul (83 points)
3. Rob (82 points)
4. Joe (72 points)
5. Doug (60 points)
6. Kate (54 points)
7. Meg (42 points)
8. Rich (32 points)
9. Andy (24 points)
10. Bill (18 points)
11. Patrick (12 points)
12. Thomas (0 points)

Had an awesome final race at DC on Sunday. Andy and I ran the WRX in DS and managed a 2/3 finish.

Andy had me covered easily in the first three runs, but following his advice of “grow a pair” I managed to get him on my last run, by a scant 0.060. Check out the split screen.

In this video, you can see Andy demonstrating the new size of my balls (watch at the very end).